It's strange to open your yahoo email and see a picture of that girl who lived down the hall sophomore year in a SlimFast ad.

Christmas was great! Miss Eva enjoyed all her presents, but loved her dollar store spoon the most!

It's like Christmas early! I have a new desk!

Wahoooooooo!

And I am off in a little while! Haircut, baguettes, new digital camera, and baskets for gifts. Back on Tuesday!

It's Eva's first Christmas, so she's celebrating with her first ear infection! I took a sick day with her yesterday and she's on the mend, but that doesn't mean we didn't oversleep by an hour this morning nor does it mean that I didn't spill half the contents of my coffee mug into her diaper bag whilst driving to work this morning.

The little twerp spent the weekend kissing me. And kisses from E. usually entail a heaping helping of whatever is on her face. In this case, mucus and drool. This is why some people don't like kids. So, of course, she gave me her cold. So at noon I am off to pick her up for a trip to the doctor's and then to the antibiotic store. Then we are going home. Where I will lie on the couch and try to keep her from pulling on the: a. dog, b. tree, c. cracked linoleum in the corner.

And did I mention my digital camera shit the bed?

Everyone else is doing it..

My Year: As Expressed in the First Line of the First Post of Each Month

January:
She's not here yet!

February:
"Isn't she lovely" You would say so if I posted a picture.

March:
We are sitting at the internet cafe in Placid and Eva is moving her head all around very quickly, so she can see every inch of the ceiling.

April:
Damn! I lost my post.

May:
Mine. Bill's is the same but larger, as he is larger

June:
This morning Eva's sitter and I watched as her cat climbed onto the hood of my car, up the wind shield to the roof, and in the driver's side window onto the front seat.

July:
Miss Eva slept like a stone last night, which I attribute to one part love from her book club aunties, one part oatmeal and carrots for dinner, and one part falling asleep one her own for the second night in a row.

August:
She slept through the night. Bill did not, though, since he woke up when I goosed him when the thunderboomers started.

September:
Can it get better than this?

October:
Look ma! No hands!

November:
Bill's home! And so is his walrus tusk!

December:
I have so much to say and no time to say it

What? Did I have a baby or something? And was that baby not a very good sleeper?

Home alone! Bill has gone South to his mama's and then on to Maryland for some Brant hunting (actually it's more like harvesting...his limit is 40 a day, and they have to turn them over to US Fish and Wildlife...it's probably related to bird flu or something...) He left at 10 last night, after a mini Deadwood marathon.

I feel like I just won some time! (This is a different subject, unrelated to Bill's absence!) I scheduled a 3pm meeting which I was regretting. But when my appointment arrived, he was actually just dropping off a bottle of free, cheap champagne for me! Nice! And now I can do that conference call I forgot about and go buy formula!

Well, my nauseau is definitely pill related. I've been fine for 5 placebo filled days, but this am, after taking my first new pack pill last night, I felt green again. I'm holding out to see what happens. I didn't have this issue in previous cycles and I am currently terrified of trying another pill.

Last night Bill said to me: "Sometimes I think about what if we don't try to have another baby."

That was stunner. He really, really wants a boy. But he was thinking about straining resources. Not ours, particularly, that's what I think about, but the greater resources of the earth. He brought this up because he saw a commercial of precocious girl, who looked to be about a fourth grader, and it struck terror in his soul. I can imagine it. Hell, I've felt it! Before we knew E was a girl, I had moments of panicking over What to Do with a Boy. And even still, when I see and hear about teenaged girls I get a little nervous. But at least I understand what it's about. He's never been a tween/teen girl, so it terrifies him.

So I think his strained resources was also a little bit, What if we have TWO girls?

We talk a little about the only possibility. And I go back and forth. A second baby would mean strained-er finances. I am pretty sure it would mean we couldn't be able do the things we might be able to do with just Eva...travel to amazing places, give her opportunities to experience amazing things, and pay for her to have an amazing education. But then I think that she won't care if we are poor if she has a sibling to share life with...But then I think, what if they hate each other? Back and forth.

I'm also getting used to sleeping and will never ever take it for granted AGAIN.

In the end, Bill ended up with this: "Maybe we should just try a couple of times and if we get pregnant again, that's that and if not, there we go." Then he paused. "Whatever. We're going to have second kid." A prophesy.

Somedays I think we'll start trying in the spring. Others I think vasectomy.

Here's a window into the mind of the Bill...as demonstrated by what we ended up doing this weekend.

2003 until December 8th, 2006: Bill hates the coat rack in the corner. He says he's putting up hooks any day now, and burning the coat rack. Instead, he does other stuff.

December 8th, 2006: Bill throws the coat rack in the stove while I am at work and piles the coats on the bed. Then he rips out the paneling in the wall by the door. Then he decides to take the old steamer trunk down to the fly shop to sell. When I get home that whole end of the living room is basically turned upside down.

December 9th, 2006: Because the whole corner is torn up he decides he has to redo the entire wall. But first he has to go buy lumber. I tell him we need to go get the tree by one, but once he leaves, I realize that there's no WAY he'll be done by then and there will be nowhere to put said tree, so we will have to wait til Sunday. I vacate the premises with my blood pressure through the roof because now my weekend plans are all screwed up and he's drilling and hammering and making a mess and Eva needs to be elsewhere. I return and remind him I have to be gone all evening for a party and he has to pay attention to Eva and the living room needs to be made semi safe for a baby before I go. He has just decided to reinsulate the wall.

December 10th, 2006: we get the tree. He works his ass off while I grocery shop. Then we spend the afternoon cleaning up the giant mess. Then we collapse on the couch and admire our new wall. On which there are hooks.

He has decided he needs to build an entertainment center in the corner, so we can see out the window which the tv currently blocks. I'm all for it. But what do you want to bet it gets put off until the next weekend I plan funfilled activities?

Guess who's getting the portable "Mr. Buddy" heater for the duck boat for Xmas?
Don't tell him!

I had a nightmare last night that I left Miss Eva in a bush, just nestled in the bare sticks and twigs, while I went into a tony boutique to find a party dress. Of course she was gone when I came out. I have never felt such pure terror.

This weekend is sure to be a whirlwind!

Tonight: Deadwood! We're loving it, you cocksuckers!

Saturday: Late am, early pm...O Tanenbaum! Cutting! And then I get to head to our staff appreciation party, BY MYSELF! (Bill's watching the E.)

Sunday: late am: Tree decorating! Afternoon, party/concert/fundraiser at the Grange Hall. How rural of us!

I also plan on finishing my shopping this afternoon!

Over the river and through the woods,
To grandmother's house we go...

Momo is moving in with his grandma! I feel sad, but I also feel a big relief.

N0, I am not pregnant...and I think my nausea is stress related since it became dramatically worse during a stressful meeting yesterday.

So here's my emotional dilemna. Since Eva was born (actually before then...) my beloved Moses has had a pitiful existence. In the backyard all day and exiled to his dog bed all evening and night. No good hikes. No significant play time. No loving cuddles. Just an occasional pat and an attacking baby. Who shrieks. As you know, I love my Moses, and he's been my baby for six years. So I am feeling guilty. I mentioned this guilt to a co-worker, as part of a conversation about pets in general. She is a very intuitive person and so she called a friend of hers, who loves Brits. And this friend is interested in Mo. I wasn't actively seeking a new home for him. And my mom had mentioned that if we HAD to get rid of him she would take him. So that's who I needed to consult. I asked if she wanted the right of first refusal if these people (who have a farm!) want to take him. So now she's thinking about it and if she decides not to take him, we will see if there's a love match with the new people. (and see, Mom, there's your picture! with Mo!)

All of this is extremely hard for me. I love that dog like family. He IS family. But he's not being treated like the elder statesman he should be regarded as. Do you hold onto a loved one because it makes you feel better? Or do you let him go to a place where he'll have the kind of life he deserves?

I think it might be time to let go.

I have so much to say and no time to say it. I haven't even looked at this weekend's pictures yet! I'm feeling nauseated pretty much constantly and I don't like that AT ALL. No, I do not! I also am trying to make a very difficult decision, which I can't post about here until I discuss it with some folk...Too bad it is the only thing I can think of blogging about! Sigh. Life's just hard. And also great! Don't forget great! It's easy to forget great when it is cold as a witch's tit and your daughter denies the sleep.