Monday, December 11, 2006

Well, my nauseau is definitely pill related. I've been fine for 5 placebo filled days, but this am, after taking my first new pack pill last night, I felt green again. I'm holding out to see what happens. I didn't have this issue in previous cycles and I am currently terrified of trying another pill.

Last night Bill said to me: "Sometimes I think about what if we don't try to have another baby."

That was stunner. He really, really wants a boy. But he was thinking about straining resources. Not ours, particularly, that's what I think about, but the greater resources of the earth. He brought this up because he saw a commercial of precocious girl, who looked to be about a fourth grader, and it struck terror in his soul. I can imagine it. Hell, I've felt it! Before we knew E was a girl, I had moments of panicking over What to Do with a Boy. And even still, when I see and hear about teenaged girls I get a little nervous. But at least I understand what it's about. He's never been a tween/teen girl, so it terrifies him.

So I think his strained resources was also a little bit, What if we have TWO girls?

We talk a little about the only possibility. And I go back and forth. A second baby would mean strained-er finances. I am pretty sure it would mean we couldn't be able do the things we might be able to do with just Eva...travel to amazing places, give her opportunities to experience amazing things, and pay for her to have an amazing education. But then I think that she won't care if we are poor if she has a sibling to share life with...But then I think, what if they hate each other? Back and forth.

I'm also getting used to sleeping and will never ever take it for granted AGAIN.

In the end, Bill ended up with this: "Maybe we should just try a couple of times and if we get pregnant again, that's that and if not, there we go." Then he paused. "Whatever. We're going to have second kid." A prophesy.

Somedays I think we'll start trying in the spring. Others I think vasectomy.

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