whose mama next?

2007-02-27T06:01:00.000-08:00

I am taking a SPA WEEKEND!!!

I am so excited, and stupidly nervous. I almost didn't do it because it means crossing the border by myself. How dumb is that? I don't know why it is such a big deal!

Anyway, I am getting a swedish massage and a seaweed body wrap and staying for one night. I suddenly can't wait for St. Patrick's day!

2007-02-26T11:56:00.000-08:00

I never posted pictures of the more than two feet of snow we got over Valentine's Day. This was the following day, when the drifting had begun. Now that we've shovelled, the snow banks are all up higher than those porch railings (the bottom ones, I mean!)

Yesterday, I snowshoed for a while, with Eva strapped to my chest. She loved looking up at the tree branches in the woods.

2007-02-23T13:14:00.000-08:00

After a week with the new sitter (T), things seem to be going well. T calls me to check on foods, sends me pic of E via email, and keeps a daily journal of E's activities, eating and sleeping. The kids there all seem so happy and there seems to be an innate sense of order, without it seeming restrictive. That sense of order was completely missing at A's. And so I am happy to excuse the fact that T gave E an ice cream cup for dessert after lunch yesterday. You can't win them all and , really, no one really loses when ice cream is eaten. Ice cream is goooooooooood. Especially after fish and brocolli and noodles for lunch.

2007-02-23T06:45:00.000-08:00

Last weekend my mom and I took Eva to the W!ld Center for some winter fun. We went this summer and it was packed, so it was really nice to have the whole place basically to ourselves! E really enjoyed watching the fishes and playing the sound piano, which plays bird and frog noises. The speakers were at E's ear level and she was CRAZY about it!

2007-02-20T12:10:00.000-08:00

2007-02-20T10:41:00.000-08:00

Today Miss Eva is at her new daycare. She was a little shy with little D. who wanted to hug her tight right off. What can I say, he's 2 and cute as a button so I would have let him hug me but Eva is a little more picky than I am. By the time I left, though, she was chatting away on a phone handset. Sitter T says she slept 2 plus hours this morning, so she must be somewhat comfortable.

E. spent the weekend hugging her Grandma and Momo, who came for a visit.

She is also a successful cup sipper!

I'm going out of my mind at work, and I don't know whether last week's snowday and a half helped or hurt things, but it did allow Bill to take his valentines out for lunch at the Cottage, where we watched the snow fall and took this picture, among others...

2007-02-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

Eva's on the pink bubble gum drugs for her ear infection and I am awaiting the results of my throat culture to see if I will also be zapping my bug with antibiotics. I have somehow managed to catch every illness that has ventured within 50 miles of my home in the past year. We are hoping that a better day care situation, cleaner and with fewer (and better mannered) children, will result in less illness for Eva and me. She starts with her new sitter a week from tomorrow, so we shall see!

In the meantime, Bill has made it his personal mission to wean the Junior Miss from bottle to cup this week. Go Daddy Go! She really likes using a straw, as we discovered at our poorly conceived trip to HoJo's (one of the last three left! and no wonder, it was GROSS-bad food, dirt-ay, and over priced.)

She also enjoyed the Winter Carnival Parade...especially the Lawn Chair Ladies and any brass band. I had pictures, but deleted them by accident! Curses!

2007-02-07T08:57:00.000-08:00

siiiiiiiiick.

and in the process of firing/hiring day care providers.

What next, 2007? What next?

Don't answer that please.

2007-01-30T12:34:00.000-08:00

I wish I could blog. And I wish I had time to reply to emails from friends. And I wish I had time to download and order prints of Miss E's latest pictures.

I know the time to do all of this will be here sooner or later. But it is not here now. Maybe tomorrow!

2007-01-24T08:25:00.000-08:00

This week we lost our beloved friend and colleague C. I have mentioned her here before, how she was such an incredible inspiration to all of us here at work in her perserverance and tenacity and her generosity of spirit in the face of her long fight against fucking breast cancer. She not only was my role model professionally, she was a personal inspiration and a friend. I know that right now she's really wanting to tell us that "It is what it is" and that we should put on our big girl panties and deal with it. But right now we are doing what we never did in front of her because she just would not allow it: and that is cry and ask why and curse the universe for robbing us of the incredible joy of being with her. Too damn bad, sisterfriend, we're doing it anyway!

2007-01-18T10:20:00.000-08:00

My cups runneth over. In so, so many ways. The most obvious is that I bought two new bras yesterday and while they fit, thay are slightly more, um, exposing that the nursing bras I've been wearing for over a year (if said nursing bras are closed, of course.) So I feel like I am just POPPING out. Who knew the old girls had such life in them post-deflation!

My work cup is also overfilled...I just took on supervision of a program (and a person! EEEEEEEEE!) and now I am also filling in doing fundraising stuff. Temporarily. I swear.

One thing that wasn't running over was my bathroom sink this morning. Frozen cold water from the sink toward the back of the house which meant a nice shower, but no flushing. I figured out where the heat tape was, plugged it in, and was lugging a HUGE pot of flushing water down the hall when I heard the clanking and gurgling that meant thawing. I left a note for Bill to check the pipe when he gets home...just in case. The odd thing was that it was not nearly as cold last night as the night before and yet we froze. I don't get it.

Finally, Eva's cuteness also is abundant...this morning she went to kiss me right after I walked across the room to get her coat. She got a shock and pulled away. She almost cried, but then she stopped, looked at my nose (from whence the shock came) and slowly brought her face to mine, when we touched there was no jolt and she had this look of confusion and relief that you would not believe!

2007-01-17T12:40:00.000-08:00

Miss Eva went to day care on Tuesday with seven teeth and came home with 10. No wonder she was a drooling cranky mess when I picked her up.

2007-01-16T12:52:00.000-08:00

I am back.

Eva is one.

Work is overwhelming.

I gave Vicky pink eye.

That pretty much sums it up!

2007-01-10T07:33:00.001-08:00

2007-01-10T07:33:00.000-08:00

My grandma died this weekend, so we are in Connecticut with my mom...

2006-12-27T10:14:00.000-08:00

It's strange to open your yahoo email and see a picture of that girl who lived down the hall sophomore year in a SlimFast ad.

Christmas was great! Miss Eva enjoyed all her presents, but loved her dollar store spoon the most!

2006-12-21T08:51:00.000-08:00

It's like Christmas early! I have a new desk!

Wahoooooooo!

And I am off in a little while! Haircut, baguettes, new digital camera, and baskets for gifts. Back on Tuesday!

2006-12-20T08:42:00.000-08:00

It's Eva's first Christmas, so she's celebrating with her first ear infection! I took a sick day with her yesterday and she's on the mend, but that doesn't mean we didn't oversleep by an hour this morning nor does it mean that I didn't spill half the contents of my coffee mug into her diaper bag whilst driving to work this morning.

2006-12-18T07:05:00.000-08:00

The little twerp spent the weekend kissing me. And kisses from E. usually entail a heaping helping of whatever is on her face. In this case, mucus and drool. This is why some people don't like kids. So, of course, she gave me her cold. So at noon I am off to pick her up for a trip to the doctor's and then to the antibiotic store. Then we are going home. Where I will lie on the couch and try to keep her from pulling on the: a. dog, b. tree, c. cracked linoleum in the corner.

And did I mention my digital camera shit the bed?

2006-12-15T09:29:00.000-08:00

Everyone else is doing it..

My Year: As Expressed in the First Line of the First Post of Each Month

January:
She's not here yet!

February:
"Isn't she lovely" You would say so if I posted a picture.

March:
We are sitting at the internet cafe in Placid and Eva is moving her head all around very quickly, so she can see every inch of the ceiling.

April:
Damn! I lost my post.

May:
Mine. Bill's is the same but larger, as he is larger

June:
This morning Eva's sitter and I watched as her cat climbed onto the hood of my car, up the wind shield to the roof, and in the driver's side window onto the front seat.

July:
Miss Eva slept like a stone last night, which I attribute to one part love from her book club aunties, one part oatmeal and carrots for dinner, and one part falling asleep one her own for the second night in a row.

August:
She slept through the night. Bill did not, though, since he woke up when I goosed him when the thunderboomers started.

September:
Can it get better than this?

October:
Look ma! No hands!

November:
Bill's home! And so is his walrus tusk!

December:
I have so much to say and no time to say it

What? Did I have a baby or something? And was that baby not a very good sleeper?

2006-12-14T12:04:00.000-08:00

Home alone! Bill has gone South to his mama's and then on to Maryland for some Brant hunting (actually it's more like harvesting...his limit is 40 a day, and they have to turn them over to US Fish and Wildlife...it's probably related to bird flu or something...) He left at 10 last night, after a mini Deadwood marathon.

I feel like I just won some time! (This is a different subject, unrelated to Bill's absence!) I scheduled a 3pm meeting which I was regretting. But when my appointment arrived, he was actually just dropping off a bottle of free, cheap champagne for me! Nice! And now I can do that conference call I forgot about and go buy formula!

2006-12-11T12:52:00.000-08:00

Well, my nauseau is definitely pill related. I've been fine for 5 placebo filled days, but this am, after taking my first new pack pill last night, I felt green again. I'm holding out to see what happens. I didn't have this issue in previous cycles and I am currently terrified of trying another pill.

Last night Bill said to me: "Sometimes I think about what if we don't try to have another baby."

That was stunner. He really, really wants a boy. But he was thinking about straining resources. Not ours, particularly, that's what I think about, but the greater resources of the earth. He brought this up because he saw a commercial of precocious girl, who looked to be about a fourth grader, and it struck terror in his soul. I can imagine it. Hell, I've felt it! Before we knew E was a girl, I had moments of panicking over What to Do with a Boy. And even still, when I see and hear about teenaged girls I get a little nervous. But at least I understand what it's about. He's never been a tween/teen girl, so it terrifies him.

So I think his strained resources was also a little bit, What if we have TWO girls?

We talk a little about the only possibility. And I go back and forth. A second baby would mean strained-er finances. I am pretty sure it would mean we couldn't be able do the things we might be able to do with just Eva...travel to amazing places, give her opportunities to experience amazing things, and pay for her to have an amazing education. But then I think that she won't care if we are poor if she has a sibling to share life with...But then I think, what if they hate each other? Back and forth.

I'm also getting used to sleeping and will never ever take it for granted AGAIN.

In the end, Bill ended up with this: "Maybe we should just try a couple of times and if we get pregnant again, that's that and if not, there we go." Then he paused. "Whatever. We're going to have second kid." A prophesy.

Somedays I think we'll start trying in the spring. Others I think vasectomy.

2006-12-11T07:52:00.000-08:00

Here's a window into the mind of the Bill...as demonstrated by what we ended up doing this weekend.

2003 until December 8th, 2006: Bill hates the coat rack in the corner. He says he's putting up hooks any day now, and burning the coat rack. Instead, he does other stuff.

December 8th, 2006: Bill throws the coat rack in the stove while I am at work and piles the coats on the bed. Then he rips out the paneling in the wall by the door. Then he decides to take the old steamer trunk down to the fly shop to sell. When I get home that whole end of the living room is basically turned upside down.

December 9th, 2006: Because the whole corner is torn up he decides he has to redo the entire wall. But first he has to go buy lumber. I tell him we need to go get the tree by one, but once he leaves, I realize that there's no WAY he'll be done by then and there will be nowhere to put said tree, so we will have to wait til Sunday. I vacate the premises with my blood pressure through the roof because now my weekend plans are all screwed up and he's drilling and hammering and making a mess and Eva needs to be elsewhere. I return and remind him I have to be gone all evening for a party and he has to pay attention to Eva and the living room needs to be made semi safe for a baby before I go. He has just decided to reinsulate the wall.

December 10th, 2006: we get the tree. He works his ass off while I grocery shop. Then we spend the afternoon cleaning up the giant mess. Then we collapse on the couch and admire our new wall. On which there are hooks.

He has decided he needs to build an entertainment center in the corner, so we can see out the window which the tv currently blocks. I'm all for it. But what do you want to bet it gets put off until the next weekend I plan funfilled activities?

2006-12-08T11:19:00.000-08:00

Guess who's getting the portable "Mr. Buddy" heater for the duck boat for Xmas?
Don't tell him!

I had a nightmare last night that I left Miss Eva in a bush, just nestled in the bare sticks and twigs, while I went into a tony boutique to find a party dress. Of course she was gone when I came out. I have never felt such pure terror.

2006-12-08T07:19:00.000-08:00

This weekend is sure to be a whirlwind!

Tonight: Deadwood! We're loving it, you cocksuckers!

Saturday: Late am, early pm...O Tanenbaum! Cutting! And then I get to head to our staff appreciation party, BY MYSELF! (Bill's watching the E.)

Sunday: late am: Tree decorating! Afternoon, party/concert/fundraiser at the Grange Hall. How rural of us!

I also plan on finishing my shopping this afternoon!

2006-12-07T10:45:00.000-08:00

Over the river and through the woods,
To grandmother's house we go...

Momo is moving in with his grandma! I feel sad, but I also feel a big relief.

2006-12-06T06:02:00.000-08:00

N0, I am not pregnant...and I think my nausea is stress related since it became dramatically worse during a stressful meeting yesterday.

So here's my emotional dilemna. Since Eva was born (actually before then...) my beloved Moses has had a pitiful existence. In the backyard all day and exiled to his dog bed all evening and night. No good hikes. No significant play time. No loving cuddles. Just an occasional pat and an attacking baby. Who shrieks. As you know, I love my Moses, and he's been my baby for six years. So I am feeling guilty. I mentioned this guilt to a co-worker, as part of a conversation about pets in general. She is a very intuitive person and so she called a friend of hers, who loves Brits. And this friend is interested in Mo. I wasn't actively seeking a new home for him. And my mom had mentioned that if we HAD to get rid of him she would take him. So that's who I needed to consult. I asked if she wanted the right of first refusal if these people (who have a farm!) want to take him. So now she's thinking about it and if she decides not to take him, we will see if there's a love match with the new people. (and see, Mom, there's your picture! with Mo!)

All of this is extremely hard for me. I love that dog like family. He IS family. But he's not being treated like the elder statesman he should be regarded as. Do you hold onto a loved one because it makes you feel better? Or do you let him go to a place where he'll have the kind of life he deserves?

I think it might be time to let go.

2006-12-05T08:20:00.000-08:00

I have so much to say and no time to say it. I haven't even looked at this weekend's pictures yet! I'm feeling nauseated pretty much constantly and I don't like that AT ALL. No, I do not! I also am trying to make a very difficult decision, which I can't post about here until I discuss it with some folk...Too bad it is the only thing I can think of blogging about! Sigh. Life's just hard. And also great! Don't forget great! It's easy to forget great when it is cold as a witch's tit and your daughter denies the sleep.

2006-11-30T13:30:00.000-08:00

That's not my mom below, by the way, that's the dreaded Mother-in-law. Who is not really dreaded at all. But whatever. I promised my moms I would post a picture of her here after this weekend, so I will. Because I love my mom and give her what she wants!

My right boob hurts. I'm hungry and gassy. And it's hotter than hell in my office. I wish I was home with Bill and Eva but instead I am waiting for a meeting that starts at five. Bitch and moan. Bitch and moan.

2006-11-29T07:15:00.000-08:00

Big plans for Saturday!

My mom is coming and we are taking the Junior Miss to Santa come into Essex on the ferry. We will also see alpacas, and do tractor rides and book sales and tea and all those fun things at the Essex Christmas Celebration.

I am also considering taking E to see the Holiday train on Sunday night, but it comes through Port Henry right around her bedtime and through P'burgh right around MY bedtime, so I think we will probably skip it.

Since she seems to be teething again, Miss E is having the occassional meltdown. Last night she lost it right when we got home. Bill cuddled and soothed her while I made her bottle, then the three of us snuggled up on the couch together. It was over soon enough, but I hate to see those tears rolling...Bill just called me at work and said "I hope she won't be depressed tonight again." Depressed. He is too funny.

And her latest tick is too wait til she thinks no one is looking and crawl full speed toward the kitchen or the stairs. When you scoop her up she LAUGHS. The baby gate is getting a lot of use!

2006-11-27T08:01:00.000-08:00

Lovely weekend. Where's winter?

Grams is headed home, Bill's grouse hunting, and I am wearing too much makeup. I was interviewed about our HIV Testing coalition and since I had advanced notice, I was able to actually prepare my face. Usually I find myself scambling for a comb and some lip gloss while a cameraman and reporter pace in the front office. Look for me and my colleagues on 5 at 5 and 11 on Thursday!

2006-11-24T07:59:00.000-08:00

Another success! We went from thinking we would be just five (plus Eva) to being nine (plus Eva)...Bruce brought his mom and brother and Eric (one of the two boys who lives upstairs in the winter) had a surprise visit from his girlfriend Brooke, who attempted to sneak out in the early afternoon, only to be apprehended by Momily and me on her way out the door. We had already set her a place, she couldn't leave! She wondered how we knew she was there since she arrived in the middle of the night...gee, could it have been her car out front?

The stuffing was a smash hit. The Prosecco was delish. The turkey roasted and not fried, and deemed "perfect" by Bill.

2006-11-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you about how Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. The general reasons are typical: good food, no present stress, and lots of love. But the specifics are what it's all about...some of my favorite thanksgivings have been:

The one after we graduated college and I stayed at Z's in DC in the room with the treetop deck and heard the lions roaring at the zoo in the morning. We made cornish game hens and ate cool whip.

The second one in Austin when everyone and their brother came to our house and it was a fabulous mixed mash of SLC people, and ILAS friends, and MBA students, and we played games into the night and drank and ate from the 20 pound turkey that I made all by myself.

The one with my Dad at my house, before I had actually moved in. It featured Canadians, and the beloved mother in law and the FIRST FRIED TURKEY.

Last year, when I was bursting with Eva and napped all day while everyone else cooked and the kids played in the snow and there were just people EVERYWHERE.

It's been a long time since I spent Thanksgiving with my mom, so that's a goal for a Thanksgiving future.

This year, I am thankful for the Junior Miss and to Bill for bringing her into our lives with me and to the Junior Miss for bringing Bill and me even closer. I'm thankful for our families and their support of us. I'm thankful for the people I work with and their commitment to women and to each other. I am thankful for a warm house and lots of food, and love love love. But most off all, I am pretty sure the thing I will be most thankful for tomorrow is Emeril's recipe for stuffing which has artichokes and spinach and BRIE CHEESE.

2006-11-21T08:46:00.000-08:00

I did some more Christmas shopping that I can not write about...except to say the Sur la Table's snowman stuff is made for Sitter A, who loves snowmen AND loves to bake...so she's getting a spatula embedded with snowmens and a silicone snowman potholder/trivet. Will my geniuosity ever end? I doubt it.

Last night, while observing E. in her high chair, Bill remarked: "She grew up a lot today." Heh.

And also I purchased prosecco for Thanksgiving libating. Because I dreamed about it.

And this morning I nearly impaled myself on a skirt hanger. After whacking my head on the corner of my bedside table.

2006-11-20T06:50:00.000-08:00

Saturday night was picture night at our house. We were hoping to catch Miss E midstep, as Sitter A claimed to have seen her take three steps in a row on Friday. We got nothing.

I did see her take one step on Saturday morning...she raised her hands in the air like she was being held up and added some spirit fingers for good measure. She's so fancy, that baby o' mine!

We eagerly await the arrival of the Grams tomorrow!

2006-11-17T12:16:00.000-08:00

I was scolded today.
I am working on a partnership that's doing free HIV testing on December 1st (World AIDS Day) and a photographer from the newspaper came to our meeting to take pictures of us in action (if by action, you mean sitting around a table at the Health Department and talking.) And he had to tell me to sit up. TWICE. I am a bad bad sloucher. Luckily the heat was off me when my co-worker's phone rang and her daughter was on the end swearing LOUDLY and we could all hear it. Classic.

Tonight I think I am going to go Crazy and suggest we get pizza. I've been so good, but a piece or two of pizza with sausage and peppers never killed anyone. (Well maybe it did, but that was when it was coupled with years and years of abuse!)

2006-11-16T14:05:00.000-08:00

I bought a new pair of khakis, with money my mommy gave me almost a month ago...My pants are verily falling off today, so I decided to run out before our Board meeting and hit the Gap. I also bought a 2007 planner...which is always some sort of milestone in a passing year. I am so picky about those things and I feel like what I got is just not right, but the choices were very slim at Border's, so I did the best that I could, damnit!

Eva's standing gets more and more confident by the day. She's up and down all the time and staying up for longer and longer time periods. She can also pick things up and put them down without toppling...

2006-11-15T08:52:00.000-08:00

I've officially started my Christmas shopping, though I can't really talk about my purchases here. Let's just say this: I am brilliant.

The other night I was in the kitchen and Bill was in the living room, watching VH1, as he is wont to do when unsupervised. He is such an enigma, that husband of mine. Anyway, he must have seen Christina Aguilera because he said to me, and I quote:

"Christina Aguilera is great. She is such an artist. A true artist."

Of course he was serious! That's why I love him.

2006-11-14T10:19:00.000-08:00

We've re-commenced teething. We shouldn't have been surprised at this when we saw the bumpy gum this am, because yesterday she was drool machine and cranky and then last night she woke up from 3 til 4:30. But we were.

Date night rules!

2006-11-10T12:54:00.000-08:00

Date night approaches! We will be enjoying the high culture of Borat.

Have I mentioned that the Junior Miss has been a little excitable as of late? Oh yes. Lots of screaming, and laughing and tearing around the room (still on her knees....I dread the discovery of walking...). And also diving and flinging and rolling and flopping. At A.'s she CLIMBED up the drapes, or attempted to, at least. A. came into the room to find Miss E HANGING from the curtain, her little hands grasping the fabric and her feet not touching the ground.

She's also been throwing things. And sometime she aims. At people. Ooops.

Did I mention the screaming? And Shrieking. All with glee, of course!

2006-11-09T09:52:00.000-08:00

So after work yesterday I went to the store and bought salad stuff. I put my wallet in my jacket pocket. And didn't take it out. And didn't wear the jacket today. The day I needed to buy lunch. And get my hair cut. So I had to go to McD's and get a cheeseburger off the dollar menu and will pay for my haircut with a check. And how cheesy is it to TIP with a check? It's a total faux pas, no? Sigh.

But last night I arranged for a teenaged babysitter to come watch Miss Eva on Saturday night so that Bill and I can engage in some dating and have dinner (caribbean cowboy!) and a movie! I am so proud. Plus the sitter usually charges what I got paid in 1991. Which is $2 an hour. I was aghast and offered $5 since I had planned on at least $6. She was thrilled, of course. And several people have told me that in doing this I have pretty much guaranteed a sitter at the ready.

2006-11-08T06:42:00.000-08:00

Oh, what a beautiful morning!

I love you, South Dakotans! And it looks like locally we have an Assembly person I can actually deal with, which I have to, as part of my job. She's a Republican, and she visited with me a few months ago and expressed support for us, albeit quietly. And in a debate, our state senator (who was not defeated by a friend on mine, unfortunately) newly expressed support of our sex ed bill, so we'll be holding her feet to the fire about that one, let me tell you!

And also I'm down a total of 8.5 pounds! Which means by next week this time I should be within five pounds of being a healthy weight for my size. And out of the blasted 1%0s!!!!!!

2006-11-07T06:06:00.000-08:00

Did you vote?

If you are a New Yorker, you can see who is pro-choice HERE!

And if you are a Californian, NO ON 85!

Oh, and also, if you live in Maryland, Bill's oldest and dearest friend's brother, Anthony Brown, is running for Lt.Governor!

2006-11-03T11:10:00.000-08:00

My weight loss has totally plateaued. Nothing's happening, even though I am continuing to eat much less. The missing link is the exercise. I just haven't had time to walk at all in the past week and a half. What a downer.

Bill and I are already getting along much better...more making out, less bitching at each other = a good thing!

2006-11-02T07:49:00.000-08:00

Bill's home! And so is his walrus tusk!

But why do I forget how HARD this is every year. We end up fighting a lot upon his return: because of all the unused emotions from his absence, and because now that we have a routine it feels like an imposition and an upset, and because he hates my haircut and is being really mean about it and that makes me very mad (and also pissed that apparently my hair looks like doodoo and no one told me!)

But anyway, I had a long cry about the whole thing and then we snuggled on the couch to watch Lost.

But Miss Eva is very taken by her dad. And while he just kind of enjoyed her yesterday, today she is ALL HIS because A.'s sick and had to take the day off. So he's getting a refesher course in the care and feeding of the Eva, who will also be getting flu shot number two this afternoon. BWAHAHAHAHAH!

2006-10-31T05:51:00.000-08:00

Puppy dog!

2006-10-30T07:33:00.000-08:00

2006-10-30T07:24:00.000-08:00

Listen kid, let me tell you how it is.

When you are young and cute they let you get away with anything. Jumping on furniture, licking people. I've seen it with me, and now I see it with you.

But then you get older and they start to care about stuff they never cared about before...like your hair on their black pants and your breath in the morning.

Soon they get a new model and you mean NOTHING. Nothing. Mark my words kid, some day you to will be barking for attention and begging to be let out every five minutes, just to get some alone time with one of them.

And they'll just think you have old kidneys.

2006-10-27T06:54:00.000-07:00

Grandma's coming! Grandma's coming!

Poor Miss Eva was the one spitting up in the night...poor dear! Nothing awful but she was PISSED! Until, of course, she was safely snuggled up by my side in bed. Then she was SLEEPY.

2006-10-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

Here's something about motherhood: as I hung my head in the toilet at four am my first thought was not how much I hate puking as it has always been. No, my first thought was what if this is food poisoning and Eva has it.

Luckily for once in my life the "puke and you'll feel better" theory actually was true. I feel close to fine this morning. Which is a good thing, because the idea of feeling sick enough to stay home but still having to be MOMMY was more than I could bear as I raced to the bathroom in the wee hours.

Come home now Billy.

2006-10-23T10:40:00.000-07:00

Dip for dinner after book club dip eating is not recommended. I can still feel the mayo and (fat free) sour cream working through my spleen, or wherever.

Miss E is still boogering and still coughing but she's sleeping better.

And her Dad may be home a day later than planned. Not because of walrus tusk processing and registration, but because this weeks trip started today and not yesterday.

2006-10-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to Make An Effort. You know, actually put some product in my hair, wear shoes with heels (instead on Danskos everyday), dress semi-professionally. And I think it's working. This, along with the weight loss, is making me feel a little better about myself. Because my self-image since becoming a mom is at an all time low...probably because so much of my life has been tied to my body since April of last year. When you are pregnant its ALL about the body and how much you've gained and how big you look and how you feel and so on. Then, the nursing business, which I've written about before. Team that with how you feel physically when sleep deprived and you've got a match made in hell. I've been in mourning lately for the body I never really enjoyed when I had it. I used to brush off compliments, and was never that comfortable showing off my assets, as it were. And now I wish I had revelled in that hot bod! So I need to start being happier with the one I have now, which gets better everyday. I just wish I could shrink my belly skin the way you shrink a sweater...If I could take a hot shower and then hit my tummy with the blowdryer and make it tight again, that would be awesome.

This was me a year ago.

2006-10-18T08:06:00.000-07:00

I'm experiencing the Mother Guilt. It's usually work guilt I feel, so this is different, but no better. The Junior Miss whacked her lip on an activity center at A.'s this morning and since there was blood (!) A. called me. She also mentioned that Eva's tooth is a little loose. The fact that her own daughter had a similarly loosened tooth back when she was a pup and didn't lose the chomper doesn't make me feel better. I am imagining a future of a grey, dead tooth, or an empty spot in the smile til the adult tooth comes in, or her losing the tooth in the night, breathing it in, and choking. None of these things are likely to happen. In fact, Eva is probaby back to happy happy already. But not me. Several co-workers said, "Just go, if you are worried!" Ah, but then I would feel the work guilt. So either way I feel like shit. Curses.

2006-10-16T10:30:00.000-07:00

I am now officially 31 damn years old! I celebrated by baking bread, buying pumpkins, talking to Bill, and pulling my hair out over a daughter who just won't sleep through the night.

Yeah. So the last few weeks we have been working on getting her sleep on her own. Sort of. I was rubbing her back and shushing until i could sneak out of the room. Finally, I was just deperate. So I let her cry. This was admittedly against my better judgement. But you know what? It worked. Of course you know, it probably worked for you! And once I saw it working I immediately gave up feeling bad or like I was a less "attached" mama. So for a week she slept through, basically, or fell back asleep on her own in a minute or two. But now, we're back to howling in the night. And I have no clue what to do! I can bring her into bed with me, but Bill is home soon and there's just not room for the three of us and I LIKE having just us in the bed a whole whole lot. (even more than I like her with us, which I adore.) So now what? Please weigh in! I don't care if you did cry it out or co-slept, I just want to know what worked for you. Because last night's scenario (12:30 cry and rub back, by 12:45 no more crying, 1:30 inconsolable crying, into bed with me, by 1:50 standing next to my head, banging the headboard and screaming at the dog, by 1:55 crying after sharp words from me threatening return to crib, by 2:05 snoozing cuddled up to me, at 7:05 awake an hour later than needed) did not work.

In other news, this is Eva's new favorite animal. She is a champion Alpaca caller. she squacks and they come trotting over. God bless us if she asks for one for Christmas.

And also, there is snow all over the mountains behind my house.

And also also, I made and maintained a damn fine wood stove fire this weekend: the furnace did not come on once!

2006-10-11T09:02:00.000-07:00

How did I become such a jerk?

Example:
Two co-workers are discussing ordering Chinese food in the hall outside my office.
Co-worker A: I hate calling those places! They should just get some one who speaks English to take orders.
Co-worker B: Just to take orders?
Me (yelling from my office): They should outsource it to India!

Example:
Two co-workers are discussing an independent film by a semi-local filmmaker that has been shown locally at schools and such. They are in the copy room.
Co-worker A: I am going to see "Disappearances"
Co-worker B: Oh, will the director be there? I saw him when I went. It's Wes Craven.
Me (yelling from my office): Um. It's RAY Craven. I'm pretty sure the Horror film director WES Craven is not from Vermont!
The Internet: Yeah, smartypants, that would be JAY Craven.

Example
A co-worker is talking about the South Dakota abortion ban.
Co-worker: It would ban all abortions!
Me (not yelling from my office but still basically being a jerk because who the fuck defends the SD AB Ban?): Well, actually, there is a limited life exception.

Seriously, I am such a bossy-know-it-all. And a buttinski. If I weren't so funny, smart AND good-looking, everyone would hate me.

2006-10-11T05:33:00.000-07:00

Lost 1.45lbs. And the pants are TWO sizes smaller than the ones I was wearing a month ago...of course these are a little tight and another style in this size I could not zip, but whatever.

2006-10-10T13:28:00.000-07:00

Still waiting on my money. I want my money!

I'm hopefully NOT still waiting on my propane. They left me a message yesterday saying they were coming today, so here's hoping!

At least I look like a real professional person for once today! Pants and heels AND a necklace. Can you STAND it?

2006-10-09T13:14:00.000-07:00

I've been wearing a pedometer every day for the last week and a half. I check it obsessively and find myself counting steps from my desk to the copier, from the microwave to the bathroom, from the baby's crib to the refrigerator. Every time it matches with my pedometers reading, but some days I feel like the little plastic ticker to lying to me. How could I have only walked 3 miles last Sunday? That walk was not only .894 miles! LIAR! I read that I should be walking 10,000 steps a day but it only occured to me today, after a week and a half of pedometing, that maybe I should keep track from day to day. Since 7am? 7,095 steps and that included an exercise walk at lunchtime.

2006-10-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

Here's a picture from back when Eva's grampy and suzy were in town and we rode the train...isn't it romantic?

2006-10-09T08:27:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful fall weekend!

Miss Eva's grandma came, bearing gifts, of course! For Eva, cutest outfits ever in 12 month sizes. And they fit! She gets weighed on Friday, so we shall see! For ME for my BIRTHDAY EEEEE! a mei tai, which is also kind for Eva too...she rode around in it all day at the Shelburne Museum, both on my front and on my back.

We went to Shelburne with my aunt Marty. We last saw her back in July at Point au Roche, so Eva's changes were quite impressive to her. We went to see the Georgia O'Keefe exhibit, but my favorite ended up being the Tasha Tudor exhibit...AND I got Eva her very own Tasha Tudor ADVENT CALENDAR!!! (One of the two we had growing up was in the exhibit...)

On Sunday we walked and shopped and lunched. My mom bought me two pairs of pants and a couple of sweaters and I got a pair of sexy ankle boots.

Then we all collapsed at home!

2006-10-05T07:46:00.000-07:00

Friday Night Lights, people. I never thought I would say this, but a show about football seems posed to overtake Lost as my number one. Damn. Did you watch it? Having lived in Texas I can tell you that it really means that much to people. The best single moment in the pilot? When the star QB gets hurt and the stadium become silent. Cut to fans holding crosed fingers above there heads. Just perfect. Watch it. Thank you.

But I did remind me of the time when A. and I, new to Austin went for beers at Posse East and got stuck in a moment of Texas-jingoism as every person in the bar rose, lifted the hook 'em horns overhead and sang out "The eyes of Texas are upon you..." Creepy.

2006-10-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

Deep breaths.

Apparently I am getting a real check on Friday. My bank's routing number changed and so now there will be this one week while the change goes through that I can't get it deposited. Fine. Except my bank isn't local and I have to send my check to them. And it take a few days to go through and I have a $60 cushion in my checking account this pay period because of stupid property taxes and car insurance being due this month. Therefore I now have to make a seperate trip to the other bank where we have our savings and pull out a bunch of money so I can pay the sitter, and get groceries and all that...Yes, I have savings but this a huge pain in my ass.

2006-10-04T06:26:00.000-07:00

1.05 loss this week. I would like to step up the rate to a consistent 1.5 pounds per week, so I could a whole nine pounds slimmer than when Bill left upon his return. When he left I had a vague idea, but not plan, to lose 10 pounds while he was gone. It will probably be closer to six or seven, but that's better than nothing!

2006-10-03T06:38:00.000-07:00

Today Billy turns 44 and he's probably celebrating by catching fish and shooting birds, which makes him happy happy happy. I miss the big lug.

The boook club ladies and had made plans to walk around Mirror Lake last night, but by the time I got home it was time to leave and there was no time to eat (not a big deal for me, but Miss E doesn't skip meals.) So I called K. and said I wouldn't be there and she said she wasn't going to go either and then L. called and said she couldn't. Last night around 10 I realized that E. had talked about coming too and I hadn't called her! I suck! So, E. if you were there, we are very sorry!

2006-10-02T07:35:00.000-07:00

Look ma! No hands!

I can't tell you how hard the free standing Eva is to capture with a camera! I have about ten pictures with just an arm, or leg, or foot in the frame. This was on Saturday, and she spent all morning practicing and all afternoon crawling in the grass and pulling up weeds at John Brown's farm. Yesterday she put even more heart into practice, standing and sitting and generally flinging herself about in the pack and play. Everytime I tried to get her to play on the floor she'd hustle back to the p and p and try to figure out how to get in. I think it makes her feel secure, because she was very hesitant to try standing alone out in the big bad world.

We also had a great time crawling through and under the coffee table, and getting acquainted with the GAH!!! (That's Eva for Dog.)

2006-09-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

I have just learned that Senator Frist will be bringing CIANA (the Child Interstate Abortion Notification Act) to a vote for cloture TOMORROW. A vote in favor of cloture will then open the door for the Senate to actually vote on CIANA before the end of session. CIANA was just passed by the House and 1.) makes it illegal to transport a minor across state lines for an abortion if she has not already complied with her home state's parental involvement law and 2.) institutes a 24 hour waiting period after her parent/s are notified before she can have an abortion.

New York does not currently require parental involvement, but the passage of CIANA would force us to comply with another state's law!

We need to call Senators Clinton and Schumer and tell them to vote NO to cloture on CIANA TODAY.

Senator Schumer's office:
202-224-6542
Online comment form: http://schumer.senate.gov/SchumerWebsite/contact/webform.cfm

Senator Clinton's office:
202-224-4451
Online comment form: http://clinton.senate.gov/contact/webform.cfm

If you don't live in New York, call your Senators anyway!

2006-09-28T05:31:00.000-07:00

Alvin, we hardly knew ye.

When I got home last night, poor little Alvin was curled up in the trap...peacefully snoozing. Only he was dead. I think the cat probably scared him to death, saving him from a far crueler fate.

2006-09-27T06:36:00.000-07:00

I've lost another 1.25 pounds! And I am starting lunchtime walking today.

Miss Eva did more heart taking last night. She now has officially wrapped redhead R. and her partner J. around that little finger...She was standing next to me on their couch lecturing one of their dogs, with shaking finger and everything. Hilarious. It was nice to relax and drink wine (we were smart and walked over to their house) and eat and sit by their fire. Especially since I've been kind of jumpy at home lately, ever since Chip or Dale or Alvin or Simon or Theodore made his way into the house on Saturday. Cute animals in the house freak my shit out. And make me scream. Which makes the baby cry. So we were very excited yesterday morning when Alvin made his way into the Havaheart trap during Miss Eva's breakfast. But here's the thing. I don't have a heart. I think letting him go away from the house is just inviting more visitors. It's not rational, I know, but in mind, killing him will send a message to the other vermin. But my vermin killing man is away. He usually uses a pellet gun to end the verminy life quickly. So since yesterday morning he's been sitting in the trap on the porch. And even worse, the neighbor's cat has been sitting next to the trap. Waiting. I've tried to go out and get Charlie to stay, so I can release Alvin for an afternoon snack, but the cat takes off when I open the door.

Oh the drama!

2006-09-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

For some reason, blurry and squiny seem to sum up the Junior Miss as of late. She's constantly in motion, and the last few days has been sticking her booty out when she's standing, which I think is an attempt to balance, as opposed to an attempt to poop.

2006-09-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

Things I forgot to tell Bill when we talked on Saturday:

1. The fence. The new neighbors have erected a six foot fence around their whole property. S., who lives on the other side said to me: "It feels like a judgement." Actually, it feels like a gardening opportunity.

2. The Howard Update. I meant to tell all the new Howard Stern news. Because we love us some Howard. shut up. I know it's wrong.

3. The wood. He probably thinks there still two HUGE piles out in front of the house. Now there's only one thanks to the Dad and the Suzy.

I did remember lots of I love yous. But now I miss him, and I didn't really before.

The Money Tree

2006-09-21T08:03:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I was heavily in debt and this was a constant source of stress for me, as it is for many people, of course. I spent $7 a month on caller id so I could see if the ringing phone was a friend or a bill collector. My student loans were adding up to about $700 a month, my rent was almost half my take home pay, my credit card debt was holding firm and never going down, because I could pay only the minimum amount, my car insurance was costing me more each month than my car payments because I was parking in a public lot in an "Urban" area, and I never had enough money. I was stressed opening the mail.

And then....I moved. I left the SLC, and got two months worth of unused vacation time paid to me. I was able to pay off my credit card. Then I consolidated my loans and started paying $140 a month instead of $700. Then my car was paid for and moving to a place with a driveway decreased my car insurance by an insane amount. And soon, even with the neary 20k pay cut I took when I moved I had more disposable income than ever before. I actually was able to take control over my money. And it has been incredibly freeing. And somewhere along the line something incredible started happening: whenever I needed more money, something would happen that would get me the money I needed. Bill would get a $250 tip. Someone would send us a gift of money. I would receive a long awaited travel reimbursement check. So now when I need money, I just sort of ask the universe for it. And it comes, in one way or another.

And it just happened again. I was stressing about our school taxes and was going to need to take money from savings to pay them. (It sucks to own two properties in september!!) At the last minute yesterday I decided against going to the bank to make the transfer. Instead I went to the Post Office. Where there was a package waiting for me filled with things for Eva (and for her cousin Amy, since some if it was too small.) And at the bottom of the package was a card. And in the card? Just about enough to cover the school tax. It was sent by a couple I have NEVER met, old friends of my mother-in-law.

It's not that I never had gifts or small windfalls before I got my financial house in order....it just was that everything was so confused and overdue that a few hundred bucks wouldn't really make a difference. But now, when money comes in, I know exactly where it should go for the most benefit.

So thanks, Universe and Mr and Mrs F. My ulcer has now shrunk back to normal size!

And also...I lost a pound and a half in the last week!

2006-09-18T06:47:00.000-07:00

Welcome new cousin Amy Lynne! The latest addition to the family was born around 11 on Friday night and weighs 9lbs 12oz and is 21 inches long!

We had a great visit with the Aunt and Uncle Js, bought mums, got some exercise, roasted a turkey breast and finally found a more ideal living room arrangement. Now that's progress!

2006-09-15T09:49:00.000-07:00

First of all, I've put myself on a diet. The other day i was looking for a co-worker in the clinic and she wasn't around, so I fell to temptation and hopped on the scale. Oh my. My post partum weight lost has stalled at just under 160 pounds. And for my height this makes me overweight (my BMI is 25.5) Not much overweight, but enough. I'd love to weigh just about 30 pounds less than I do. So I am trying to eat under 1500 calories a day, because to be honest I am totally sedentary and never exercise. Ever. I avoid going upstairs in my house, fergodsake. So there you have it. My goal is to lose the weight in six months. Which is kind of silly, because I think I might like to be getting knocked up again in six months. But whatever. I did not need to gain 60 pounds with Eva.

Other than that, this morning my family was happy with people other than me...E. was content to sit on the lap of visiting Aunt Janet while Momo has attached himself to my brother, Mike. (Yes, I know his name is Jon, but my pal Z once thought it was Mike, so now and again I call him that.) The dog gave me a look like I was cat poop. Does he not realize that he's been sleeping on the bed since Bill left?

2006-09-14T06:42:00.000-07:00

As I am sure you all have seen, my "boss'" (not really, but she's the head of the amazing organization for which I work...) mom died. I had the pleasure of meeting Ann Richards just once, when I worked at SafePlace, but in that one encounter I was struck by her energy and power. And her sense of humor. When she was introduced, the board member doing the talking included in his intro a reference to a famed Austin strip club, and she laughed louder than anyone. She was also one of those folks who are shockingly smaller than they appear on tv...but for a little white-haired lady with drawn-on eyebrows, she sure managed to make a big impact. After I met her that once, I started seeing her EVERYWHERE, including at the movies. She just seemed so real to me...a rarity for a politician. Anyway, this is just to say that I am sorry for our loss, the Richards' loss, and, of course, Texas' loss.

2006-09-13T06:38:00.000-07:00

Today I am playing my second favorite game: "Tooth ache or sinus headache?" It is second, because my number one favorite is "Manure or dirty diaper?" I am leaning twoard sinus headache because Miss E has a cold and is coughing and dripping green....yum. Nevermind, she spent all night in her crib...I heard her cry a few times in the night but she settled herself down, which means the "No Cry Sleep Solution" is really working.

We voted last night, and made an amazing discover. In my county, the CORONER is elected. I find this fascinating, and apparently there's only one dem running, because I did not have to make a difficult choice (between like five people!) as the Republicans did. But doesn't that seem fucked up? I would think Coroner is the kind of job you work your way up to, and like, EARN through your work, not via the whims of uninformed voters like me! How the hell do I know who has more experience sawing open skulls and cracking apart rib cages? How do I know that Candidate Number One's experience doesn't consist of repeats of Quincy MD and a newfound love of CSI: Miami? My coworker tells me she thinks the candidates all work in Funeral Homes. But how is THAT a qualification? Just because you can bury 'em doesn't mean that you can tell the cause of death! Or has my tv viewing led to a complete misunderstanding of what it is the coroner actually does? I am currently shocked and appalled. And I am sure some research into this would quell my fears, but to be honest, it's more fun to be shocked and appalled.

Speaking of shocking and appalling. I am a bad mother. I took my eight month old to a bar. Now, I have taken her there before, but we were eating dinner those times so that seems different. This time I went with the sole purpose of having a beer. And also saying happy birthday to Eva's not so secret admirer, S.. And everyone else was having dinner, but I could only stay for forty five minutes because I am not such a bad mom that I would delay baby bedtime for beer drinking. And I didn't even finish it. But still. What kind of person brings a baby to a bar? Even if that bar's big screen television was playing some infomercial on finding Jesus. And even if baby got to see a Book Club Auntie!

2006-09-12T12:50:00.000-07:00

So cold in the house last night! But under two blankets and in a blanket sleeper, Miss E still made it til 4:45 in her crib...I actually really love the early morning snuggle time we've been having, though it leaves me stiff and sore from staying in one position for a long time.

My sister-in-law is now three days past her due date. Her babe is estimated between 9 and 10 lbs. (gotta love the S family jeans!) Her doc told her all along that because of her age he would induce if there were any issues, but he has been so impressed with her healthiness (she has only gained about 10 pounds total, because she actually lost weight in the beginning, and she looks smaller than I have ever seen her, with the exception of the bump!) But, she did have an appointment this morning, and I expect she probably being induced right now, though I won't know it til I get home. Anyway, please think of L and her future rugby player Amy/Jack!

2006-09-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

What a lovely weekend! Eva and I met my mom at our motel in Williamstown in the early afternoon, after a long ride in her big girl car seat....no more infant seat, she's on the verge of being too long for it, though by weight she's still ok. Then we had lunch and off to the Clark, where she expressed her feelings about the Impressionists, and stared down one of the Degas ballerina sculptures. After that we relaxed in the Adirondack chairs by the brook before dinner, where Eva continued to make friends and influence people.

The next morning we headed in North Adams where we stumbled upon Natural Bridge State Park, being early for Mass MOCA. Both the mama and the grandma had some height issues, but mama chalked it up to not being able to see her feet for the baby bjorn. (The picture of the aqueduct looking thng below is from there.) Then it was off to Mass MOCA, which I loved, Eva seemed to like, and my mom liked some of...(the reverse was true of the Clark...) My mom and I shared a favorite few pieces there....they were in the "Ahistoric Occasion" show, and the works we liked best (though I was really interested in everything in that exhibit) were by Dario Robleto. he's doing things like recreating the boots of a civil war veteran using melted down records of spirituals, letters from a soldier, bonemeal, herbs and a million other things that have significance to the image he is creating...very cool.

In the afternoon we ate ice cream, the power went out and Eva made more friends over Thai food.

Yesterday morning we drove up to Bennington, where I snapped a picture of the monument (below) and grandma got sleepy Eva in her sling.

This morning Eva was too cold to sleep in her own room...so we snuggled up around three and were soooooooo cozy! I refuse to turn the heat on this early!

2006-09-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

2006-09-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

It's a yeast thing, and boy, is she miserable. We saw the doc that was the main reason we initially called this practice, but since he had no openings we went with Dr. C, whom we love, of course. I enjoyed this Dr.B, but I like Dr. C better. Anyway, he prescribed nystatin cream for her girly bits and suggested she eat yogurt. Already doing that. Then he talked about how when he was a resident in Amish country diaper rash babies would often come in the diapers full of black powder...the amish would burn flour into charcoal and make a powder that way and it seemed to work. But he thought the nystatin would be faster and easier. He also suggested leaving her in disposal diapers for the next few days. Which is a bummer because a.) they cost money and b.) there is much less room for error, which I need because diapering the Junior Miss is like trying to grab a cat out of a washer that's on the spin cycle. At least with her cloth dipes I stand a chance of getting reasonable butt coverage before she makes a break for it. Brat.

And also my new couch rules!

2006-09-06T11:33:00.000-07:00

The sofa has arrived and is in my living room! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!

And the Junior Miss has a rash that looks like the most painful thing to happen to a hooha this side of childbirth. It doesn't seem to be bothering her (though she was up a LOT last night) but the doc wants to see it because she was on the antibiotics recently...So later today we'll be there (and she'll get weighed, which I always am excited for!)

2006-09-05T12:14:00.000-07:00

Eva had a great weekend with her Grampy and Suzy! So great that her mama took a total of five pictures, of which this is the best!

We went to the Adirondack Museum, took the train from Placid to Saranac Lake and back, went shopping, and ate a lot! we missed a lot we wanted to do, including the Pig Roast and Fort Ti. Oh well!

It's all good because we are enjoying SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

2006-09-01T11:19:00.000-07:00

Can it get better than this? Last night she slept from 8 til 7! With a brief mewling at 10:30, which was stopped with a shh and a blanket rearrangement. Genius! I am starting to feel, well, like myself!

My carpet is starting to feel, well, gritty. The vaccuum won't suck and I never got to R's to borrow hers and I think I'm just gonna suck it up (haha) and go buy a cheap one after work, after I stop to get a cake for S's birthday...Miss Eva is very excited to know that her Grampie will be waiting for her tonight when she gets home!

2006-08-31T06:56:00.000-07:00

Between the time I stood to put her to bed after her readings and feeding and the two steps to her crib, she was asleep...So much for putting her down awake! She slept til 4:30 this morning, and I just grabbed her and took her to sleep with me. This is getting to be nice.

Her latest trick is to stand up in her crib and pace from end to end, holding on to the rail. She also has started "singing" along with the radio in the car..."singing" is a loose term, she just kind of goes "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" "aaaaaaaaah!" So cute.

She's so excited to see her grampie this weekend, and Grandma the next!

2006-08-30T07:27:00.000-07:00

I feel like a new woman. Someone slept from 8:45 (a little late, admittedly) til 5:45! Which means I slept from 10:30 til 5:46! The longest stretch since, oh, last October.

2006-08-29T07:11:00.000-07:00

No whoop!

2006-08-29T06:18:00.000-07:00

2006-08-28T11:02:00.000-07:00

Where's my sofa? Where are Eva's test results? The suspense is killing me.

Well forget it. You were getting pictures of the new room but you all have to wait too. Blogger won't let me!

2006-08-28T06:54:00.000-07:00

I am a famous author! Well no. But still...I was ASKED to write this, whereas usually I BEG the local press to give us coverage, so go me!

In other work related news...it's not even 10 am and I already have an ulcer.

Finally, E. has her own room! Pictures to come! She actually slept in it all night on Saturday, but this morning I woke up, diagonally across the bed with a baby upbed of me and a dog downbed....

2006-08-25T10:44:00.000-07:00

Still no word on E's nose culture! But everytime I think of it I remember that Momo needs his Bordatella vaccine before my long weekend in the Berkshires.

Bill's off to Alaska! If, by off to Alaska, you mean stuck in the Salt Lake City airport. Poor thing. He doesn't travel well to begin with and so is always doomed to storms and missed connections and lost luggages. We waved good bye yesterday in Burlington and said "Bye bye Daddy! Look for Mama and her puppy here on halloween!" So I need to get moving on her costume, so he doesn't miss us.

I felt sad and jittery the whole drive home, but once we got home I threw myself into putting together Miss E's chifferobe. It's all together and looks GREAT! I need to move the rest of her stuff into her room tomorrow. But now I feel reluctant...two nights of great sleep have been followed by two nights of midnight wakings, and last night she slept with me from midnight til 6...It was actually restful though since I know I won't roll over on her but I am always nervous that Bill will.

There's another tooth coming in!

2006-08-23T12:16:00.000-07:00

These pictures are from last Thursday's after work excursion to Black Pond, where we learned that coolers are good baby holders and tupper ware is a perfect toy.

2006-08-23T06:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I feel like crap, but so far Miss E seems to be fine. She's actually selpt through the night two nights in a row...once each night she's fussed around one, but a quick back rub puts her RIGHT back to sleep, if she's even awake to begin with...this morning she woke around 5:30 and Bill got her from the crib...she snuggled right up to me and fell asleep, so I think she was a just little chilly (it was in the 40s last night...)

I feel so bad for Bill...I can't imagine how much he'll miss her! We printed out this picture for him to take, among others and I asked if he REALLY wanted to bring such a "daddy, come home!" picture.

And finally, we had dinner last night with our pals R. and S...R. was the receipient of E.'s first wave and so they have a VERY special friendship...it helps that R. is a redhead. S. is the same age Bill was when I met him and has a new girlfriend who is the age I was then. Since E. was born, S. has been stopping by more and more. He holds her whenever he can. And last night he got made at me because my beer glass was blocking his line of vision to Miss E. I told him he better get his own baby. Instead of laughing, he got very serious and said..."I'm definitely working on that plan." Too cute. He's always been Bill's most single guy friend...

en

2006-08-22T13:22:00.000-07:00

Testing One, Two. Now we wait!

Dr. C said that if the culture is positive and she has symptoms he may hospitalize her since she is really on the edge of the most dangerous age (6 months and under) for pertussis!

2006-08-21T09:47:00.000-07:00

Remember how we thought it wasn't the whoop?
It is.
Miss Eva gets tested later today, and probably will be treated like she does have it...

2006-08-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

Eva's back at day care, and though the results aren't in on whooping cough it now seems unlikely to me that's what it is that little M. has...she just doesn't whoop!

We made $105.85 at the yard sale! Woohoo! Next year I will make lots of signs because people just didn't seem to believe we were in the sale, even as they browsed next door...my neighbor started sending people over whihc really helped.

And my stomach hurts.

Numbers and Days and Surprising Disappointment

2006-08-16T12:53:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how your emotions can go through such extraordinary changes in a few short days...

Late last week I started to get strange cramps, strange because they felt like premenstrual cramps but I had just had some bleeding the week before, which was timed perfectly to be my period. Then my face started breaking out in a phenomenal way. Both things happened the last two times I was pregnant. So I finally sucked it up, and even though the timing of it made no sense, had a pregnancy test done. Very handy, working in family planning. But it took forever for my coworker to come in with results. Which I knew were positive. And they were...faintly. Very faintly. So faintly in fact that she showed it to another nurse who guessed it was leftover hcg from my post-Eva pregnancy, which ended over two months ago. So the timeline was a little longer than usual, but...Then how to explain my cramps, and the acne, oh and the incredible hair loss I am experiencing? So the options were wait two weeks and test again, or get a blood test. Since Bill leaves in less than two weeks, I went for the blood test. Those results? The best description would be faint. Not negative, but not awesomely positive. If I ovulated during that bleeding (bizarre) it could be a slow start. So she ordered a retest for today. And I went from "no way can I have another yet" on Monday afternoon to "I am so excited to have another BABY!" this morning. But alas, the results of the second beta indicate a no go (they are supposed to at least double and mine went from 22 to 18.) So here I am both disappointed and relieved that I can spend now through April wait til I am really ready to conceive again, instead of waiting to give birth. But let me tell you, as soon as April rolls around, I will be working like a dog to get pregnant. (bad choice of words, perhaps...)

The only question that remains is this: was that leftover hormone from my terminated pregnancy? Or was I pregnant in July and miscarried? Or am I miscarrying now? It's hard to know, and I don't really want to think too hard about it.

All I know is that I love my family and my thoughts of having just one are now gone.

2006-08-16T11:49:00.000-07:00

Eek! A's daughter is being treated for whooping cough, even though they are still awaiting an actual diagnosis! Poor little M. And lucky little Eva, because she gets to spend three workdays in a row with her 'rents.

A. doesn't really think little M. has the whoops, but apparently its been going around and better safe than sorry.

2006-08-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

A third tooth! This one is on top; it's the one immediately to the right of the two front teeth. And I can see the clear outline of every other tooth on top. Today she's home with her Dad because her sitter's youngest has a raging ear infection and fever and none of them slept last night. (HA! Welcome to my world!) It's good, because E's running a very slight fever herself and had a case of the grumpies last night. She also puked once and I think that solved the mystery of the illness before our vacation. She's a feverish teether who throws up. What a pleasure!

Bill leaves a week from tomorrow. This morning we were talking about how I won't miss him at first, but that heartache should set in around September 23rd at 10am. Or thereabouts.

2006-08-15T12:05:00.000-07:00

One plus to not pumping is that I can go out to lunch with friends, and I can still get lots of productive work time in after....Maybe the secret to getting a lot done after lunch is creme brule...if so, I should eat it EVERYDAY!

We had a wonderful nights sleep last night, thank goodness! And soon Miss E will have her own room! Perhaps by this weekend! Could you just DIE!

2006-08-14T10:53:00.000-07:00

What a treat! Beloved co-worker and my personal role model, C., just stopped by! C. has been battling breast cancer for as long as I have known her: she got her rediagnosis (she'd already fought it once) about a week before I met her. A couple of months ago she had a brain scan, and they discovered lesions there. And she just had another scan, and after radiation they have gotten significantly smaller. Wonderful news! We've missed her around her and it was great to see her. She brought some pictures of herself and Miss Eva which were taken at an event in June where she was honored as a breast cancer survivor. They posed as the baldy brigade. The whole time I was preggo I never took a day off and that was because of C.. Until the last few months when she's been out on disability, she was ALWAYS here, even though she gets chemo once a week. She never complains, like many in the working world are so prone to, even though I have a feeling she could legitimately bitch about not feeling well pretty much every day. So whenever I felt sort of pukey or tired, I'd think of C., and how she'd be working and haul my ass out of bed. But her good attitude around her illness is just a small part of her larger amazing awesomeness. Which anyone who has ever met her can probably testify to, right, C.Dom?

Preparations for the tag sale continue! I am sure I will be a hundredaire by this time next week.

2006-08-14T09:23:00.000-07:00

Today, I left the horns at home. That's right, I'm done with pumping. I am proud I made it to seven months. I'll still let her nurse at night, but there doesn't need to be much milk for that (or any at all, really.) Hopefully I can leave my guilt behind as well.